Women.

Hello world. I was just thinking earlyer about how much more luck other people have than me. Like women  i cant keep a steady girl anymore. Am i doomed to be alone for my whole life? Well whatever i am doing its obviously wrong. Any woman in the world can get whatever man he wants so long as they offer the goods. "The Good's?" Yeah you know what i mean so don't seccond guess the meaning. But a man cant get what girl he wants because women and girls all have another guy who is beter than you, or is beter looking, or has more money. Most of the time its the same guy they have been going back to for so long who only goes to her because she puts out. Cant anyone just like who they like for who they are? or does a man with a status come with beter benifits? i dont know, i dont have any clue. But some day i hope to find a woman who doesnt have an agenda to keep or has more men on her list. I guess i will just have to find out the hard way.

From within

So today i realized i am just so tired of everything... this house, this desert. i want to leave and just be a memory in people's minds. not a living entity they ee every day. im not saying i want to die. thats not it AT ALL. i just want to go away. for a long time. and forget what haunts me here. i need to bucle down, focus and get shit done here. so i can leave. i just want help. i dont know wherei can get it. but i guess its within myself.

Hmmmm

Well today has been long. i re-connected with some old friends today. one friend from when i was a young child. younger than 5. i havent spoken to this person for such a long time. it was only on a txt based system. (FB) But i can imagine what he might sound like. its funny because we are like the same guy. goofy wierd both want to have some life in law enforcement. it was nice another was an ex girlfriend of mine from.... maybe 7th grade lol kids these days huh? but the third was an old best friend of mine. He was always there for me and i was there for him. high school kinda ruined us hahaha but oh well. i do miss him he is a good guy.

 BUT the real reason i come to write today is to just get something off of my chest. i feel that i meet a girl, and i like her so much that i go into a spiral for her. thinking about her at all times of the day even when i am alrady talking to her. or not txting her. something just kills me when i get like this. i pour my heart into every relationship i can take. i dont know if this is an instinctual factor of finding a mate. (that seems retarded) im 18 i mean come on. how stupid is it that all i want in my life is a woman? i dont care about money or anything that has such "value"or meaning. it just is so crazy. i feel like a wierdy or something. but there is a girl that i like. and i know ill see her in months to come. which excites me! i am genuinely excited to see her again. becaus eshe is sweet caring and BEAUTIFUL. i mean hey it may be a fling im gonna get over. but i hope it isnt. I feel stupid for saying these things cuz she may read this and think what a fucking crazy loser. i mean im not obsessing. i just am over thinking. just as i usualy do. but i guess i will have to see.  idk i just hope im not sonding like some stalker freak. hahaha it just has been bothering me today that i feel this way so soon? im not sure.

...

Some days i just dont know where these thoughts come from. Detailed thoughts of mankind in the large scale of things. Mankind as a whole is a pice of shit. Evil, Determined, Angry. just a lot of things u coud think of has already happened. There is nothing you could say that hasent happened yet. Rape, Murder, Slaughter, Genocide. WHY? idk. looking at our history books. you see history. i see lies from the tippy top of the chain all the way down to the grime and slums of the world. because everyone is out for their own pleasures. just wanting this prize of being rich having women. all i want is a woman and kids. stable home life. no lies. no more of the typical home being broken up from divorce. it makes me sick to see the way the world is. i hope 2012 is real because the race of mankind doesnt deserve this beautiful Mother Earth. even me. i have had my share of lies. nothing felt right. nothing felt complete. amd i just want to change that.

Finaly!

Finaly Finaly FINALY. I HAVE FOUND IT! the thing i have been born to do!...... What every man is born to do.... BE A DON JUAN!!!!! hahahaha i have recently found myself just looking for hot girls. not to date or even talk to. just to see! its like why am i just looking. why dont i go and speak to these hotties! i have the capability to maybe get a date with them! idk. i think most men just stare and gawk. Most guys dont find how to get all the ladies! its an art i think. i mean i have had great girls in my day. hahaha but i want more. what guy doesnt!!!!...... well i wont answer that. haha you can in your head! I just hope i can find how to get the ladies... your friends will tell you be yourself! and be sweet! but its like you do that and then what? the gir just eants to be your friend!! ahaha well we can do some experimenting!

Life

Life is about things... things make the world we live in well i guess go arround.But there is one thing that bothers me ever so much. COMERCIALS. This BUY BUY BUY propaganda that just is so annoying. incesant yammering and people who are fake. Oh my god. there are just some that are so loud and bothersome i wish i could throw my tv through some producers ass face. AGH.

Bleh Blah.

Well its the same day as my first post. Well a mere minutes ago or idk when. but i bought a book today. a FAN FREAKN TASTIC book btw. Kurt Cobains journal. i LOVE THIS THING. it makes me laugh and feel sorrow just like anything else does i suppose. But he says somethings that remind me of myself. i dont know why but i am like him. just without the drugs. and other things! As i it here burning my incents i ponder almost everything and anything. its quite fantastic. hahaha i cant help but think of my best bud right now because i just typed in the tytle of this post ahahha he's crazy. not as crazy as i. im having writers block right now. so see-ya!!